|Things Dogs Must Remember
- I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's
on the toilet.
- The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.
- I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of
- I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering
- I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of
someone who is sitting on the toilet.
- I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat
it. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
- I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in
the backyard after processing.
- The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- I will not wake Mommy by sticking my cold, wet nose up her
- I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
- I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red
ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
- When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
rolled down when it's raining outside.
- We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I
hear one on TV.
- I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the
backyard with it.
- The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
Mom's driver's license and car registration.
- I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels
while Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope.