Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably
the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the
Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in
There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The
few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the
electric fence and find out for themselves.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.
~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want
people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a
long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of
~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such
a nice change from being young.
~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was
called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have
anything to laugh at when you are old.
absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by
driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the
beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat
home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then
left, past the bridge, then right
again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe
distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat
"Yes," The wife answers, 'why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put him on the phone, I'm lost and
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store, But she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She
asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The
stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped
for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all
day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got
here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he
sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he
knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop
gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his
hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says,
"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.