|A hip young man goes out and buys the
best car available: a brand new Ferrari. It's also the most
expensive car in the world. He takes it out for a spin.
While he's stopped at a red light, an old
man putting down the road on a moped pulls up next to him. The codger
looks over at the sleek, shiny vehicle and asks, "What kind of car
ya got there, sonny?"
"A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why so much?
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly.
Impressed, the moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, he says, "That's a nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my moped! She's a good goer, too."
The young man rolls his eyes at the oldster's misplaced boast. Just then the light changes and he decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it. Within seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear
view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it
could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going
much faster than he.
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped.
"No way!" he exclaims. Stunned that the moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. Whoooooosh!
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again. Astounded by the speed of this old guy he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do.
Then -- WHAM! -- the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear. The young man jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the mangled elder and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers with his dying breath, " Yea Unhook...my suspenders from your side-view mirror.
|Farmer Joe decided his injuries from an
accident were serious enough to take the trucking company
responsible to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer
questioned Farmer Joe skeptically.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" the lawyer demanded.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."
"I didn't ask for details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"
"But you see, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again, this time turning to the judge. He said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman that he was fine. Now he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please direct him simply to answer the question."
But by this time the Judge was curious. "I'd like to hear what he has to say," he told the lawyer.
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Now, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, that Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie carrying on, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
"Then the Patrolman came across the
road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was
in such bad shape I had to shoot her.'
"Then he says, 'How are YOU feeling?'"
|It was the first day of school and a
new student, the son of a Japanese auto executive, entered the
fourth grade. The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin
by reviewing some American history. Who said, 'Give me Liberty, or give
She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiro, who had his hand up, waving eagerly. "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.
"Now," said the teacher, "Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?
Again, no response except from Toshiro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiro, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."
As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: "Damned Japanese."
She whirled and demanded, "Who said that?"
Toshiro's hand shot eagerly into the air once more. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said.