Never Lie to your mother

A college student invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful his roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between him and Julie, and this made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and Julie than met the eye.

Reading his mother's thoughts, he volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to him and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver tray. You don't suppose she took it do you?"

He replied, "Well I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying you "did" take a silver tray from my house, and I'm not saying you "did not" take a silver tray. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love Your Son

Several days later, he received a letter from his mother which read:

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if Julie was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the silver tray by now.

Love, Mom

The Obvious Answers Quiz

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Redneck Horseshoes


Female Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

Female Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.

Female The sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before suddenly taking off for a week-end with the boys.

Female The body part that "looks bigger" no matter what is worn.
Male: What you slap when someone scores a touchdown, home run, or goal. Also good for mooning.

Female A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Trying not to pick up other women while out with girlfriend.

Female A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

Female An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

Former President Clinton walked into a Hillary in 2012 strategy meeting with a pair of ladies panties on his arm.

Although everyone wondered what was going on, nobody could muster the nerve to ask about it.

Finally, after about an hour of puzzlement, a young intern came in to refresh the coffee and water pitchers, noticed the oddity, and, too naive to be worried, asked him what the deal was with the panties.

Clinton replied: "It's the patch, darlin'. I'm trying to quit."