Short Takes

My daughter asked me one time, "Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?"

Frantic man on phone: "My wife is pregnant, her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
Doctor: "Is this her first child?"
Man: "NO, you idiot! This is her husband!"

Sign on a local Blockbuster video store: "Gift Certificates - For when you care enough to shop at the last minute."

Wife to husband returning home from a party: "Have I ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?"
Husband: "Why no, I don't think you have."
Wife: "Then whatever gave you that idea at the party?"

My husband accused me of loving our dog more than I love him. I told him not to be ridiculous. I love them both the same.

Two men walked into a bar.
You'd think the second one would have seen it.

You know what the problem with a lot of people is? Overpopulation.

Rule of thumb for evaluating computer technology: If it works, its obsolete.

Q. How do you scare a man?
A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A. In the pages of a romance novel.