03

He's had some extremely arrogant people say very nasty things to him, but there have been those who have seen that there is never trouble when Brian is around, and have congratulated him.

It's an amazing turnaround from the Brian I first met, thirteen+ years ago. He was soooo bad-tempered and touchy, and the alcohol he drank in amazing quantities did not help. He was a paranoid drunk, and the least bad look from anyone would result in a fight from a 5'6" Mr Hyde who complained to me that every time he went in to a pub, people picked on him and he had to beat them up. He smoked both types of weed and worked long, back-breaking hours in hard, physical labour.

He had to give up smoking for me, as I am allergic. I tend to vomit up the last meal, which puts a lot of people off smoking right there and then. Brian was able to stop cold turkey, but the high he was on every time he had a caffeine fix (usually coffee, although he was also happy to indulge in chocolate!) made him want to keep moving with a restless energy that was extremely draining for a new girlfriend and her daschie, Collette.

The booze was an entirely different problem. It took him a lot longer to stop drinking, and, like all alcoholics, still gets the craving eleven years after his last drink. He freely admits that he could not do it by himself, particularly as his lines of work (cleaning and now security), often take him into pubs.

So how did this incredible powerhouse of pride-filled masculinity quit a drug that has dragged down so many? God.

Every day, Brian humbly asks for Help to keep going from his Maker. Every day, God gives him the Strength to say "No". Oh, he's had the temptation, still has it. But the miracle of God's Grace fills him, and he can turn his back.

I have had addictions of my own - Coca-cola, chocolate, fizzy drinks. For each one, I have asked the Lord's Help and have received it in Full Measure. The Coke was impossible for me to give up, I had tried so many, many times. I knew and readily admitted my addiction. It was only when I looked outside myself that I gave up truly. I have been tempted, the same as Brian, but I have, with the Grace of God, not given in.

Heather, to turn to more mundane matters, is fitting in nicely, and the new calf, Mo, has finally stopped bellowing.

We have rats. One died of poison (I presume, it was a bit late to ask, and I preferred not to do an autopsy, despite the prevalence of such "how-to" shows on television), and I have seen one in the piglets pen and heard another rustling near the old compost pile where the stone-fruit tree now grows so wonderfully. I have a great dislike for rodent pests. As pets, I have no problem with them, except for the smell that mouse urine has always.

I had a pet rat once, but it bit, and so I took it back to the Pet Store (they did not refund my money, I tended to hope that it bit the Manager a few times), despite its beautiful ruby cabachon eyes.

Rat faeces, however, can harbour diseases that kill humans. And I'm not just talking about that old favourite of yours and mine, Bubonic Plague. So can the bodies. Mice are destructive and dirty. They remind me of undisciplined toddlers. And they eat too much of my food, and insult me by pooing in it. Yecch!

I have just discovered that said small rodents have been availing themselves of my clothes drawers. Guess how I can tell? So it will all have to be washed, and the drawers thoroughly cleaned out. Oh, joy.

I finally managed to get our last chook out of the peafowl pen and into the Ladies Pen. She was, of course, immediately sized up as being a foreigner, and she was waiting to be pecked. At least that was the way it looked to me, as she cowered and occasionally ran to another part of the pen. Madame Gres, as I have called her, seems to have settled in, but I'm curious as to where she is on the totem pole.

The German Shepherds are coming along nicely, but still only consistently lie down if a toy is displayed in front of them. I know they will get better, because they are already far better than even a week ago. Persistence, patience, practice and praise. Bit like anything in life, really. As I keep saying to Alice, nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy.

The big stink in the agricultural field (pardon the pun) at the moment is the possibility of importing pig meat from New Zealand, where there is a dread disease. Post-Weaning Multi-Systemic Wasting Syndrome had a chance of coming into here. I am constantly amazed at the amount of different diseases available to our relatively pristine continent. I do tend to wonder, however, what, other than eucalyptus weeds all over the World, and possums in New Zealand, what Australia has done to this planet since white men opened it up.

If you can, please pray for Caution. For a few days now, she has been suffering from massive constipation. According to Juliette di Baircli Levy, she should get a mix of fresh grape juice and sage, which I have been giving her. It seemed to fill her too much, so I have been only giving her water today. The constipation has paralysed her back legs and given her horrendous pain. I have to lift her in and out of her bread tray basket, where she rests. She tries very hard not to be aggressive as the pain kicks in. If I could assure her successfully how much she amazes me, and how brave she is, rest assured I would. I only lift her out twice a day to go and urinate. I give her plenty of gentle cuddles and pats, and she whines softly when she wants my attention. Much more vocalisation hurts her too much. The first day, the pain was such that she bit me, something that she has not done since she was a puppy, five years ago. I will continue to gently massage her sides, as she cannot even bear to lie on her back for a tummy rub, something that would be bliss a few days ago.

God is good, she will get better, I am sure of it.

Mute

Can I tell you how I really feel?

That you are the centre of my universe,

that I live for you, would die for you.

I hear your voice as you come in the door -

and you are my ecstasy, my total joy

Do you have a kind word for me, a moment of time,

I don't have long to live, you know, and I relish fully

all that you give to me

A toy? A treat? I have simple tastes

and you know me so well

You know what will keep me happy

I love you. Thankyou for loving me.