Things Dogs Must Remember
  1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

  2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

  3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

  4. I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.

  5. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

  6. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

  7. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

  8. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

  9. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

  10. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

  11. I will not wake Mommy by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

  12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

  13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

  14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

  15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

  16. I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

  17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

  18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or trashcan.

  19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

  20. I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope.