Things Dogs Must Remember
  1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
  3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  4. I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.
  5. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  6. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  7. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
  8. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
  9. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
  10. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
  11. I will not wake Mommy by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
  12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
  13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
  14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
  16. I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
  17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
  18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or trashcan.
  19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
  20. I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope.