I Owe My Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.  “If you’re going to kill each, do it outside, I just finished cleaning.

2. My Mother taught me RELIGION   “You better pray that will come out of the carpet”

3. My Mother taught me LOGIC.  “Because I said so, that why”

4. My Mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.  If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.”

5. My Mother taught me MORE LOGIC.  “If you fall out of that swing and break you neck, you’re not going to the store with me.

6. My Mother taught me FORESIGHT.  “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you have an accident.

7. My Mother taught me IRONY.  “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My Mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.  “Shut your mouth and eat your supper”

9. My Mother taught me CONTORTIONISM.  “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My Mother taught me about STAMINA.  “You’ll sit there till all that spinach is gone.

11. My Mother taught me about WEATHER.  “This room of your looks as if a tornado went through it.”\

12. My Mother taught me HYPOCRISY.  “IF I told once, I’ve told you a million times don’t exaggerate.”

13. My Mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.  “I brought you into this world and I can take you out”

14. My Mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.  “Stop acting you father”

15. My Mother taught me about ENVY.  “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have parents like you.”

16. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.  “Just wait till your father gets home”

17. MY Mother taught me about RECEIVING.  “You are going to get it when we get home”

18. MY Mother taught me medical science.  “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way”

19. My Mother taught me ESP.  “Put your sweater on, don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My Mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.  “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’; never grow up.”

21. MY Mother taught me GENETICS.  “You’re just like your father.”

22. MY Mother taught me about my ROOTS.  “Shut the door behind you.  DO you think you were born in a barn?”

23. MY Mother taught me about HUMOR.  “When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

24. My Mother taught me about WISDOM.  “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

25. MY Mother taught me about JUSTICE.  “One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you.”

Author Unknown.