Teacher Application... After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said:
 
 "Let me see if I've got this right . . * You want me to go into that
room with all those kids, and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits. You want  me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for
weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job. I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure all students pass the mandatory state exams, even those who don't come to school regularly or complete any of
their assignments..
 
Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical handicap. And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter and report card. All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!
 
You want me to do all of this and yet you expect me....... NOT TO PRAY?"

 
2004... The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1983. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

The CD was introduced the year they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are!

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane".

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies in your life, and don't forget the youngins so they can see what the stone age was like ;-)

~ Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take

But, by the moments that take our breath away ~

WANT TO "KNOW EVERYTHING" AGAIN?

Know a lot of trivial facts? Know just about everything? You Can Be A
Teenager!
1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
5. The shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
6. There are more chickens than people in the world.
7. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
8. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament
building is an American flag.
10. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left
hand.
11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
12 . "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the
back of the $5 bill.
14.. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
16. Maine is the only state in the USA whose name is just one syllable.
17. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous":  tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
18. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
26. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. (Seniors are NOT
average!)
27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
32. Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister.

HOW HEALTHY ARE YOU?

According to what you were kind enough to share in our Winter 2003 survey on health...
56% of you have been told you have elevated blood pressure.
54% have been told you have high cholesterol and 38% take medication to lower it.
22% have been told you have lost more bone mass than expected for your age.
13% take medication for bone preservation for an average of 7 years.
22% have been told you have diabetes.
62% are trying to stay on a low fat diet.
Less than half of you have EVER paid to join a diet program.
Those who have paid to join such programs average having paid 10+ times.*
25% worry that weight will affect longevity.
57% of those who responded are married - improving chances of longevity right there!

*A 1991 study looked at 3,100 males and females and revealed a link
between the degree of weight-change and risk of heart disease. The study did NOT prove weight cycling caused the problem, but media jumped to that conclusion and reported it as fact.
More recently in the Archives of Internal Medicine (AIM) and in the
International Journal of Obesity, studies were reported which monitored
weight lose and regain over 30 months and 20 years respectively. They
both monitored blood pressure, cholesterol and body fat and found that
those who lost and regained 20+ pounds had no more risk of heart disease than those who never lost weight in the first place.

LIFE EXPECTANCIES IN YOUR HOME
Reprinted from Prudential Realty flier, Del Mar, CA
HouseMaster Home Inspection provides the following life spans for items in and around your home. For those considering moving into a community with a homeowners association, or into rental housing, life expectancies of these items and their cost should be factored into the equation of what they can save should they move versus staying put and having to replace items as they wear out.

Stove: 15-25 years
Dishwasher: 7-12 years
Refrigerator: 10-18 years
Garbage Disposal: 5-10 years
Toilet Mechanism: 5-10 years
Bathroom Sink: 10+ years
Washer: 10-12 years
Dryer 10-15 years
Central Air Unit: 6-10 years
Wood Roof: 15-20 years
Asphalt Shingle Roof: 15-18 years
Tile Roof: 40+ years
Trash compactor: 7-12 years (there are bar refrigerators that fit into the
15" space taken by a trash compactor - pity we didn't know that before our trash compactor died leaving a gaping hole in our cabinetry that we filled with...you guessed it...another trash compactor.
Paint: 4-7 years
Plumbing: 30-60 years